Monday, November 24, 2008

Motorists should be Pedestrians

We’ve all said ‘They shouldn’t be allowed to drive’. The typical scenario is one where someone with either a shizzy or really nice car performs a lateral maneuver that is not in the legal sense i.e. cut you off, short-stop, bumper riding, etc. If you are a level-headed person with good self control, you probably reposition yourself to be in a safe spot on the roadway. But the rest of us want to slam on the brakes, honk the horn, ride their tail, or at least give ‘em the bird; sometimes we do and others we don’t. On a short walk during lunch, I was almost run over on either side of an intersection as I crossed the street. I was in the crosswalk, had the right-of-way, and even made eye contact with the turning drivers before proceeding onto the asphalt. It didn’t matter. It was a close call on both occasions.

I thought about who would do such a thing. I don’t care what kind of driver you might be, but watch out for pedestrians! Just for fun, I decided to go through a few of the driving characteristics I associate with certain vehicles on the road. Feel free to comment if you agree or believe that I am mistaken.

The geriatric ‘I’m a heart attack away from a 5-car pileup’. The vehicle is nice, new, big and most importantly…slow. It is all that you can do to get around these poor souls as they putter down the street to the senior center for that bingo rematch that they’ve been looking forward to.

My truck is badass and there’s nothing you can do about it. These tend to be of the Chevy, Ford, or Dodge types with high ground clearance, balls hanging from the hitch, oversized tires, and window decals of that little boy pissing on the trademark of the other truck companies. They rumble down the street not noticing all the little cars driving around them; all the while throwing gravel and dirt onto the hoods and windshields of everyone else on the freeway.

The ‘I drive a minivan or SUV so as to endanger more passengers at any given time’. They have a third row that is always filled with little persons screaming down the road. The drivers tend to be a bit frazzled and distracted by all the noise coming from inside the vehicle as to notice that other cars exist. Blinkers are something they use in drivers ed; a head check is what I do to make sure my makeup and hair still look good. ‘Proud Parent of a (insert your favorite school here) Honor Roll Student’ bumper sticker is a must.

I would be a NASCAR driver, but they won’t let this tricked out sh*t on the track. The late-model sports car with more money sunk in aftermarket performance accessories than the car originally cost. You know it’s true because the brand names of all the gear is plastered all over the front quarter-panels of the cars. You can hear their exhaust from a block away. Again blinkers are so passé and we are all just keeping them from their next speeding ticket; so get out of the way!

This is just the beginning of what could be a very large list. But more importantly than what I think about people based on what kind of car they drive is how they actually drive. So heads up, phone down, and drive.

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