It's just the Right Thing to do.

Raised in an extremely conservative household, I come with a lot of backstory and frame of reference for what I "should" do in life.  As I have aged (sometimes not a welcome concept), my opinions have changed.  I have always had opinions and not all of them popular or welcome but they have always been mine.  As an adult, husband, father, employee, and neighbor amongst other things I see that my actions, words, and beliefs have an impact on those around me.

Personally, that is a scary recognition.  I have always wanted to be the one to make the decisions but feel reserved because of the ramifications that come with being the person who pushes the button.  Over the past few years, it is more apparent that if I don't push the button then no one else may.  Therefore, I am officially volunteering as the button pusher! lol  

What does that really mean? Well, sometimes it's as simple as the office product commercials tell me it is, easy. This doesn't have anything to do with being a non-conformist or trend setter but rather doing right by me.  

Negotiate and compromise have become bad words.  People make self-promoting statements regarding their unwillingness to bend/change or compromise who they are and for what they stand.  I can sympathize with the personal conviction and desire to stick to something at all costs.  These concepts/beliefs are paramount when navigating the world where everyone seems only vested in their own best interest. 

However, in groups that function best as a whole vs. individually as pieces, these methods must be observed in moderation.  The current political stalemate is a prime example; if I can get what I want without yielding on anything I believe strongly about then I'm in.  This is an ineffective and counter intuitive position because the outcome will always be the same...nothing.  No one ever wants to constantly be the giver in a relationship and likewise no one should ever be a habitual taker.  As a society, we compromise all the time; when navigating traffic, picking government officials, and even choosing where to eat when our favorite place is packed.  I'll admit that not all of those decisions carry equal weight and for that sound thought should be given to those with the ability to significantly impact our lives. 

What about love?  Historically, it was forbidden to marry outside one's class or "kind". The theme that people should be free to choose who they love has been echoed throughout movies, books, and music.  And for the most part, these stories/tales are well received.  So why is it not so in real life?

I have a difficult time understanding the negative consequences of allowing others to make their own choices.  For example, I recognize the controversy surrounding the current topics of gun control, marijuana legalization, and abortion.  Either allowing or banning any of these has complicated consequences that should be discussed and debated.  Unrestricting marriage does not belong with them.  These are people that want to pursue their dreams in ways that currently aren't allowed or universally protected. What someone else chooses to do or not do does not compromise my beliefs.  There should be no negotiation on their feelings.  In the end, it's just the right thing to do.

I like to move it, move it!

I believe that music is one of the strongest forces that exists.  Music has been a part of human existence for longer than records date.  The right melody has the power to calm, excite, motivate, and soothe you.  The interesting thing is that not everyone likes the same genre(s) of music.  Even within the same kind of music, one artist or even a particular song may not ‘speak’ to you the way it does to someone else.  But nevertheless the power is there.  Messages sung transform the words from script to magic. 

I’ve liked a lot of music in my life covering most genres (sorry Country still no love here).  And over the years, I’ve collected my arsenal of favorites.  There are tracks that get me moving and pumped for whatever is coming my way.  Those that I turn to when times are tough or I’m feeling down and discouraged.  There are the ‘feel good’ songs that I can never tire of and there are those that truly touch me deep down inside.  Those are the power songs.  The ones that not only influence your emotions but motivate you to do something.  I feel that for me, these songs tend to have themes of self-empowerment.  They tell me to be who I am, act how I feel, use my voice, and stand for what I believe.  These songs come to me from artists as varied as Rage Against the Machine, INXS, the Cranberries, Mackelmore, and Enya.  I hate to conform just for conformity’s sake.  Every action takes an effort; make them count…for you. 

Not what you thought

This year we decided to create a memorable experience for Christmas. Traditionally, we get together with family, eat some food, and open presents. No family is coming into town and we are not visiting anyone for the holidays. The house is decorated and presents have been planned and purchased. Being Santa is one of the best jobs of a parent. But maybe it’s just because I love guile and deception. Either way it is fun.

There are surprises that you weren’t expecting and then there are surprises that you remember because of the extraordinary feeling/experience they caused. I come from a simple and basic existence. Not a lot to be had or done. My imagination was my best friend; and we played a lot. As a parent, I want more for my kids as I would assume is the goal of most people with children. It’s a fine line between giving them what they want and turning them into entitled and spoiled kids. Those are the kids that grow up and make difficult adults; old habits die hard.

Surprises are a way I like to dance on the line. You can satisfy a want or desire but with no expectation. Clearly this would not work in every scenario like going to the store or mall as usually you are there to buy something and kids know how to exploit opportunity. It’s like they can smell it and gives them drive. You think grocery shopping is difficult when hungry? Try doing it with a hungry child in tow; it complicates a simple shopping trip immensely.

Hope my two readers manage to enjoy the holiday season by whatever means suits them. And remember that being critical doesn’t mean that the other person is wrong but rather that you just wouldn’t do it that way and you enjoy noting the differences.

Pour your morning cup...on your face!

You’re probably thinking ‘is this guy really posting about a facial’ and yes, I am. I know this is out of the field of topics that I usually write about but I like it and that is what I do. Note: you are probably going to need the assistance of a commercial grinder like those found at specialty stores or maybe your local grocer (please don’t buy one just for this) and … you need to like the smell of coffee.

Pick your bean, any will do, but remember that if you pick a flavored one that you will be experiencing the scent very close to your nose. You want a Turkish grind if you can get it. It is the most fine, almost like powder. If you can’t get that fine, espresso grind will do fine.

Then it’s as simple as mixing a little in the palm of your hand with your favorite cleanser or water to form a paste. Smooth this over your face in a circular pattern paying careful attention to the eyes and hair line (if you have very light colored hair this could change that a little haha). Once you are pleased with your coverage let it sit for about 5 minutes. Then you’re ready to rinse, tone, and moisturize.

The fine particles in the ground coffee provide great exfoliation and a portion of the caffeine content in the beans is actually absorbed into the skin. This will expose a fresh layer of skin and give your complexion a little boost. This could also be used for a body scrub as well. Think sea salt scrub but better smelling and gentler on the skin.

Check Mate

I do not deal with emotion very well. It feels as if my strongest emotional response comes from trying to conceal my own feelings. Instilled as a young child, the 'men don't cry' mantra is still very alive inside me. Experiences in my life have helped me approach a median but still I fear. Anxiety threatens to take over when my emotional response is set off. I crave control because I think that control promotes safety and protection. I have become the tyrant over my own emotions. Emotional detachment has become a coping mechanism to prevent the pain of loss and abandonment.

Recently, someone close to me passed away. Perhaps odd to others but normal to me, I do not miss their presence. I cherish the memories that I have and nothing more. Thought I was strong, could handle the process. Anxiety and emotions in check. Then I see the widow of the deceased. Content, peace, and love is what I saw. At the same time, my composure was gone. Not detached but still in control was she. The feelings of shame and embarrassment did not come this time. I continue to progress, aware of my weaknesses. Franklin was right, death and taxes.

I am a Thistle Sifter

Finally saw The King’s Speech this last weekend. Let me preface this by saying that I thought it was very well done. I appreciated the period-ness of the film, i.e., costumes, dialect, historical reference.

One of the first scenes is Colin Firth, portraying historically important King George VI, giving his first public speech that was broadcast over the radio. He struggles, stops, and can’t seem to get through his written comments. The movie culminates with the King giving his first wartime speech and some may say that is the basis for the film’s title. But I feel that the ‘speech’ is referring to his manner of speaking rather than one particular occasion.

Speech issues are lifelong struggles. I had a stuttering problem as a child. I was fortunate to have worked through most of it. I still feel the urges of it come on, especially when I have to make presentations to groups (happens rather often with the job I have right now). I always get nervous thinking what would happen if I did freeze up and couldn’t get past a word. Hasn’t happened yet, but I remain anxious. If only I could spout off a string of profanities to get me past those feelings then I wouldn’t have to worry any more. Something tells me that if that happened I would have more to worry about then my stopping mid-speech.

I almost can’t believe that for nearly 3 years I have owned a piece of American muscle, a Harley Davidson motorcycle. It’s no secret; it was a big deal when I got it. I probably rode it 50% to 75% of the time when I drove to work. It was fun, got great gas mileage, and allowed me to use the carpool lane on the freeway. I’m that guy rolling down the street wearing the technical jacket, full-face helmet, boots, and gloves. I would classify my driving style as ‘active lane management’. I’m a very defensive driver but at the same time not afraid to make decisions to get me into the lane of least resistance. It may not make total sense but it works for me.

So last April, the car that I was trading off with died. It was a wonderful old VW Jetta that we’d had for a long time; sad moment. I decided to take the plunge and become a hard core biker, relying on my bike 100% to get me to work. I’m happy to report that a year later I am still in one piece. Close calls were actually extremely limited; I credit ‘active lane management’ haha. Weather in the desert is optimal for this. I think I was sprinkled on twice, even though it was windy several days. Would I do it again? Yes, I still am. One day I should get another car but for now it’s just too hard to rationalize knowing that I can do without it.

Riding a motorcycle has been a longtime desire of mine. And I don’t regret one bit getting one. Of course, I have to throw a big “thanks” out to my wife who agreed to the whole arrangement. And I’ve tried to respect her trust here; no burn-outs, no wheelies, no red light racing. It’s been good to me. Some people have told me that I need a name, but I’m not set on anything. I’m open to suggestions if anyone has a good one. Liberator was recommended by a neighbor; not sure about that one. Anyway, as they say “Ride to Live, Live to Ride.”

Time for a drink

So, it’s been a while. Did you miss me? Yes, I missed me. Sometimes it feels like that. It’s amazing how you can be a part of something and yet still feel apart from everything. I guess that’s the benefit of ‘society’; a group with commonalities that is made up of self-interested individuals. I’m not the kind of person who seeks or even accepts pity from others. I like to think that I have a decent grasp on things.

People love to group other people together to help them predict what they think and do; it must be left over from elementary school when we have to separate the apples from the oranges to add up how many there are of each. Does no one care how many pieces of fruit there are together? Anyway, I love the question “Do you see the glass half-full or half-empty?” Obviously, the questioner is trying to place you into either a pessimist or optimist bucket based on if you see life as lacking its full potential or as a satisfying experience regardless of the situation. My response to this question is simple. Can no one see that we are talking about half here? Does it really matter if it’s ‘full’ or ‘empty’? I see the fullness of the glass as an accomplishment for what has been obtained but the emptiness as the reality that there could always be more. The real difference in the views, in my opinion, is whether or not you want to do what’s required to make the glass fuller or are you okay with drinking what you have. For me, I guess it depends on how thirsty I am that day.

Is it time?

So, the desert is...hot and dry. But right now it's cold and dry. Yeah, not very interesting. But I did just find out that our lovely city was originally called Pumpkinville. Can you imagine the 5th largest metropolitan area in the U.S. as Pumpkinville? I like it better already.

Wii for Christmas. It's pretty awesome. I used to be big into Nintendo back when it was the NES and SNES but then got out of it when later systems came out. But at least with these games I don't feel like a total loser. I tried playing Madden football with a buddy a while ago. He killed me! I think it was part the controller (too many buttons) and part that he just wanted somebody to waste in football. But I'm not offended; I would have done the same.

So immigration...I'm not going to say much about it; specifically the illegal type. It's just a problem, one that we've ignored for way too long. I don't know what the 'fix' is but some decision needs to be made about it. Arizona is a prime example of what will continue to happen if no official federal stance is taken; require everyone to be able to prove their citizenship and soon to propose legislation to nullify the 14th Amendment's naturalization powers. Couple this with laws allowing people who own guns to both carry them in sight and concealed without special permits is just asking for trouble. Tensions are high on both sides. We need action, and McCain isn't getting it done. So, write you senators. And while you're at it, ask them to repeal the federal pay freeze. No, I'm lucky to have a job. But...seriously.

It's a bird, it's a plane...no really it's a plane!

So there I am, driving down the highway with nothing between me and the pavement but two small wheels and a fire breathing V-twin. I think to myself, this is what's about; no civilization in sight, just blazing down the open road. There's desert to my left and desert to my...no, no there isn't. There are cotton fields. As far as I can see there are cotton fields. Strange thing to see in the desert.

Out of the corner of my eye I see something flying. At first it looks like a circling hawk or other large bird. Quickly, I realize that it's not a bird but a plane. Cool. I think; that would be fun to do. Time seems to slow to a crawl as I am mesmerized by the plane's graceful movement through the sky; slowly turning right and then left. The plane looks awfully low. I snap out of my daze to realize that the plane is less than 100 feet off the ground, looks like smoking, and headed right toward me on the highway. For just a minute, I thought this was it; hit by a plane. At what seemed like the last minute, he banked to his left, came even lower, and a large cloud erupted from behind him. He was dusting the cotton fields. Ha-ha, false alarm. I guess this is what I get for not growing up an agricultural area. But I won't soon forget the day I almost died at the hands of a plane; or wings rather.

At the gates of...tomorrow?

When it's been a long day; no, a real f-ed up day,

It is the best feeling to know that it's not the end

Nope, the sun will rise the next day; life's not over

It may seem like things could not go worse

Like nothing else could go wrong

But it can, and probably will; just wait

But for now, I come home to the best person I know

The one that I want to share with

End my shizzy day with; and start tomorrow with

I may be a crappy best friend sometimes

But I am grateful that she is patient and tolerant

Even though the road may be rough, we can't be stopped

After all, that's why they made 4-wheel drive.

Struggling or Set?

Sometimes the most interesting person in a group is the one still trying to ‘make it’. Everyone probably knows someone like that. They are the one that works random jobs so they can focus on becoming an actor, painter, sculptor, craftsman, or musician. They pop-up from time to time, as their adventures bring them through their home towns. Never quite sure if tomorrow will bring the big break or recognition that they need.

But somehow I envy them. To have something that you enjoy and are passionate enough about that you are willing to risk everything else. Hours after hours are spent in pursuit of only becoming better at the one thing that you know you were meant to do. And the satisfaction is in what you produce. The thing that you complete is yours; it came from you. If only we all could harbor that type of enthusiasm for our ‘work’ and pleasure; to be a struggling artist.

Back on the Burro

As fate would have it, I cannot stay away from the burrito forever. I love Chipotle just as much...well maybe a little more than the next guy. I went to the grand opening of a new location in San Francisco in late June, ordered my usual (Chicken Fajita Burrito), and retired to my hotel room for what I though was another boring evening. Something was not quite right; maybe it was the chicken, poorly cooked on a busy night. But I got food poisoning. Not something that you want ever and especially when out of town. I survived but it was not pretty. Anyway, I have not been back since. Today I went back with family for lunch, ordered my usual, and...nothing. Guess I’ll just have to strike it up to bad luck.

The Wandering man walks a path, but it is not his own.
Down the road, moving; or does Earth pass underneath.
Days, weeks, months; continuous cycles of Light and Dark.
His goal, beyond the horizon; moving in tandem,
Never closer, never further apart; existing separately.

Solid rock erodes to dust; Nature controls and directs.
Nowhere to call home, no way to get back,
At the mercy of wind and the errant Traveler.

The last day closes; Sadness surrounds them.
Neither in control Nor where they wish.
Together, they give Purpose; meaning to Exist.
Their Journey not willed but a Journey the same.
No longer alone, as a pair they expire; in peace.

Oh, New Mexico

New Mexico, what do you mean to me?

I've spent many a night in your various hotels;
I've driven your roads 'til I thought I was lost.
Dust storms, flash floods, hail, sleet, and snow.
A slightly ugly desert that escaped from Mexico.
Aliens, green chile, political corruption;
nuclear science, drugs, and natural wonders.
Each time I leave, I wish it the last.
But then I come back, and it seems the same.
The 'Land of Enchantment' finally has me jaded.
But I don't think good bye is here just yet.

Time to Rest

I wait for sleep

The escape from all I know

To a place that only I can go

Free to live, Free to explore

Worlds to create, Adventures to have

Places to see, Things to do

No boundaries, No limits, No rules

No expectations, No stereotypes, No fear

Existence is the playground of the mind

Awakening brings halt to the vision

Reality and Dreams cross

Confusion, Deja Vu; the daily special

The road may bend in the Distance

But for now...I wait for sleep

Change

The Greek symbol Δ is often used to represent change in mathematical equations. It points the way to something different from where you previously were. I like experiencing things in different ways; in different places. The weather changes; fashion changes; social attitudes change. Variety is an essential part of keeping one’s sanity on the path of life.

But I don’t like when people change. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for the bully realizing what a douche he is and changing his ways or any other attribute that may have a negative effect on others. Sometimes the reluctance to change in one person has a changing effect in others; if for no other reason, then just to make life ‘easier’ or less confrontational. But after years of changing for others you wake up one day not knowing who you are and how/why you got to this place.

Recently saw the movie All About Steve. It’s a new movie around the same theme; we shouldn’t change who we are for anyone. We may change some of the things we do, but not who we are. One of my favorite lyrics by the late Michael Hutchence is ‘Don’t change for you, Don’t change a thing…for me.’

Life Is Beautiful

Recently watched My Sister’s Keeper. For those who haven’t seen it, I will not spoil it here. But from the previews, it is no secret that the storyline is about a family where one of the children has cancer. First, let me say that I thought all of the actors did a good job.

This movie affected me more than I expected it would have. It could be maybe that I’m just getting older, that I have a family of my own, or perhaps I’ve just gone soft. But regardless of the reason, the result was the same.

I get all worked up when my kids even get hurt or I even think about something tragic with them involved. But I can’t even imagine if any of it was real. I don’t know how I would handle it, but I know other parents do. I just hope I never have to face that situation and truly feel for those that do.

Big Day for a Little Man

So, I recently had a birthday; not a huge milestone year but a birthday just the same. Only this year I was out of town for work. This has happened in the past; it just seems to be my cosmic curse. But this year it felt like it sucked more. I don’t know. It could be because where I was at it was crazy windy. So windy that the satellite kept going out; and it was Modern Family night! Or maybe because no one at work even mentioned it despite the fact that we have an office calendar that is everywhere and has everyone’s birthday on it. I don’t want a pity party, just venting over a disappointing day. But then again, I guess there are a lot of worse places that I could have been. So, Happy Birthday to me hahaha

WTF?!!

Ever have one of those days when you truly understand the meaning of WTF? What's funny is that most of those things are actually trivial. But I guess that is how we deal with things sometimes, throwing our hands up and calling it as we see it. I had one of those 'real' moments today.

I recently found out that a young relative has cancer. Not that it's ever cool or okay when someone announces that they have been dealt the cancer card but it seems especially devastating when it's a little kid.

I think about my kids. They mean everything to me and I don't even know how I would handle something like that. But I guess you don't until you have to. I feel for the little people and their families that have to go through it. Makes me think WTF?